Living on Purpose Read online

  LIVING on

  PURPOSE

  Also by Dan Millman

  THE PEACEFUL WARRIOR SAGA

  Way of the Peaceful Warrior

  Sacred Journey of the Peaceful Warrior

  GUIDEBOOKS

  The Life You Were Born to Live

  Everyday Enlightenment

  No Ordinary Moments

  Living on Purpose

  The Laws of Spirit

  Body Mind Mastery

  CHILDREN’S BOOKS

  Secret of the Peaceful Warrior

  Quest for the Crystal Castle

  For information

  about Dan Millman’s work:

  www.danmillman.com

  LIVING on

  PURPOSE

  STRAIGHT ANSWERS TO LIFE’S TOUGH QUESTIONS

  DAN MILLMAN

  NEW WORLD LIBRARY

  NOVATO, CALIFORNIA

  New World Library

  14 Pamaron Way

  Novato, California 94949

  Copyright © 2000 by Dan Millman

  Cover design: Mary Beth Salmon

  Text design: Mary Ann Casler

  Author photo: Carl Edwards

  All rights reserved. This book may not be reproduced in whole or in part, or transmitted in any form, without written permission from the publisher, except by a reviewer, who may quote brief passages in a review; nor may any part of this book be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or other, without written permission of the publisher.

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Millman, Dan.

  Living on purpose : straight answers to life’s tough questions / Dan Millman. p. cm.

  ISBN 1-57731-132-9 (perfect)

  1. Spiritual life—Miscellanea. I. Title.

  BL624.M498 2000

  291.4'4—dc21 00-055906

  ISBN 13: 978-1-57731-132-4

  ISBN 10: 1-57731-132-9

  First printing, September 2000

  Printed in Canada on recycled paper

  Distributed to the trade by Publishers Group West

  20 19 18 17 16 15 14 13 12 11

  The purpose of life

  is a life of purpose.

  —Robert Byrne

  The mind asks the questions;

  the heart has the answers.

  —Byron Katie

  CONTENTS

  Preface: Answers to Life’s Questions

  The House Rules:

  • Earth is a school and daily life is our classroom

  • Our teachers appear in many forms

  • We learn best through direct experience

  • Failures are the steppingstones to success

  • Lessons reappear until we learn them

  • If we don’t learn easy lessons, they get harder

  • Consequences teach better than concepts

  • Only action brings ideas to life

  • We can control efforts, not outcomes

  • Timing is everything

  • What goes around comes around

  • Little things can make a big difference

  • Play to your strengths

  • To transform your life, change your expectations

  • Judge with compassion

  • Simplicity has power

  • Life develops what it demands

  • Every choice leads to wisdom

  • God helps those who help themselves

  • We each have inner guidance

  • Balancing the body is the first spiritual practice

  • Life moves in cycles; all things change

  • Life is a series of moments

  • Be gentle with yourself; trust the process of your life

  • Kindness completes our lives; we are in this together

  Final Words

  Acknowledgments

  About the Author

  Preface

  Answers to Life’s Questions

  Years ago, I met a peaceful warrior in an all-night gas station. His name was Socrates, and he once told me, “I’ve noticed three kinds of people in this world: those who make things happen, those who watch what happens, and those who wonder what happened.” Back then I was a skilled athlete, making things happen. But outside the gym—when I faced real-world dilemmas and decisions—I mostly watched and wondered.

  And I was not alone.

  Many of us live our lives by accident—stumbling into relationships, wandering into careers, searching for meaning, hoping and praying that we’ll get lucky in love, find our fortune, and stay healthy. I spent years like this, living at random, until I learned to live on purpose.

  My education began the first time I asked Socrates a question. He shrugged his shoulders and said, “It’s the House Rules.” The “House” is Life, the Tao, the Universe, Reality; the “Rules” are universal laws or guiding principles. The House Rules presented in this book—distilled lessons from the school of life—provide reliable strategies for living on purpose.

  Purposeful living embraces both reason and faith. Reason provides clear goals, while faith teaches us to trust the process of our lives. The Taoist sages remind us that flexibility overcomes rigidity—and just as a rushing stream flows around obstacles, so must our purposes adapt to the changing tides of life. Therefore, the House Rules are not rote formulas, but flexible reminders. In living on purpose and acting on principle we become like bamboo— strong yet supple—yielding to the forces we encounter, then snapping back on track.

  The format of this book is also purposeful—designed for different learning styles, it provides easy access to these universal principles. Turn to any section and note that each section:

  opens with a universal question followed by—

  a House Rule;

  a clarifying summary;

  two related questions and answers;

  a personal application page to bring that House Rule home.

  Some of the questions in this book are deeply personal, while others touch universal themes; some express curiosity, while others cry out from the depths of despair. These questions come from real people around the world, and all reflect our common desires and dilemmas. The topics involve relationships, work, children, health, spirituality, psychology, values, and decisions. I have edited for readability, and eliminated correspondents’ names because their identity bears no relation to the larger issues raised.

  My responses seem to come not so much from me, but through me. I do not, however, channel any discarnate warrior-sages from the fifth dimension, chat with God, or transcribe the dictations of astral guides. I claim only a gift of expression, an intuitive understanding of the House Rules, and an open heart. As the proverb goes, “There are no secrets where there’s love.”

  Test these House Rules in your own experience; tailor them to fit your particular circumstance. You will find that they point the way to greater productivity, creativity, and fun, and show us how to live a more spiritual life in the material realm. God helps those who help themselves—and this is a self-help book. The better we become, the better we serve our world. By living on purpose and improving the quality of our lives, we become a source of light to others.

  As one of the House Rules will later clarify, I can’t give you any wisdom you don’t already have inside you, but I can highlight your hidden strengths. And if this book stimulates self-reflection and insight—if you find yourself reaching within to find your own truths—then Living on Purpose will have served its purpose. As you turn these pages, keep faith in the higher truth that despite the dilemmas and difficulties of this world, our lives are a great Mystery, unfolding perfectly, in accord with universal laws, in the service of our awa
kening.

  Dan Millman

  Spring 2000

  LIVING on

  PURPOSE

  We are here to learn

  by expanding our awareness

  about the world

  and about ourselves.

  Learning about the world

  helps us to succeed.

  Learning about ourselves

  helps us to evolve.

  Our challenges in the arenas of

  relationship, health, and finances

  are all part of the curriculum.

  Daily life teaches us all we need to know

  for the next step on our journey.

  Each and every day,

  we find new lessons to learn.

  Q: We grow up, attend school, earn a living, maybe get married and raise a family, go on vacations, provide a service, and live until we die. Isn’t this enough? Why all this interest in spirituality? What’s the point?

  A: Most of us agree that life is a school in the sense that we learn many lessons. But if death is the end, what is the purpose of living in the first place? Questions about death may lead us to wonder about our lives. Are we a random experiment or part of a much bigger picture? One question leads to the next and all questions end in Mystery. Some of us turn to belief and faith; others simply wonder. And in this field of wonder grow the seeds of spirituality.

  The greatest teaching is to live with an open heart. —Anonymous

  At some point we may glimpse one of the fundamental lessons in the school of life: Our awareness resides, moment to moment, in one of two separate realities, each with its own truths. The first is conventional reality, which you describe in your question. The second is a transcendent reality—the spiritual dimension.

  Most of the time, conventional reality monopolizes our attention with the stuff of everyday life—the challenges of education, earning a living, relationships, family, and health—everyday experience. Our dramas, played out in the theater of gain and loss, desire and satisfaction, seem entirely real and important. Conventional life involves the natural pursuit of satisfaction and fulfillment, which depends upon events unfolding in line with our desires, hopes, and expectations. In trying to make things work out, we suffer the pangs of attachment, craving, and anxiety.

  We are involved in a mystery that passes understanding, and our highest business is daily life. —John Cage

  Then one day—maybe through a trauma, a death in the family, an injury, or other adversity, we notice that conventional reality, even at its best, leads to dissatisfaction. We feel frustrated when we don’t get what we want, when we get what we don’t want, and even when we get exactly what we want, because in this world of mortality, we will lose all that we love.

  Your daily life is your school, your temple, and your religion. —Kahlil Gibran

  Adversity and psychological suffering stimulate a yearning to transcend the conditional world, to wake up and find the higher wisdom that uplifts our soul even as we live in the conventional world. Life’s challenging lessons generate a willingness to make a leap of faith, to relinquish familiar truths that no longer serve, and to venture into the unknown. As Anaïs Nin wrote, “Finally the time came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” In the school of daily life, spirituality is not separate from this world; it allows us to live an ordinary life while remembering the transcendent truths that set us free.

  Q: I’m on a vision quest—searching for more in life than news, weather, and sports. I take yoga classes and meditate; last year I completed a four-hundred-mile bike trip in the hopes of triggering a spiritually elevated state. The trip gave me a temporary high and a sore butt. Still, when I push my body to the limit things happen. Am I going in the right direction?

  A: Extreme physical feats—depriving the body of food and water, and other ordeals—can generate altered states and temporary highs, but to what end? Years ago, I traveled to the East and pursued many paths, until the search consumed itself and I came to rest. Today, numerous shamans, gurus, and guides are only too happy to take you on a tour of their chosen path. But all such paths are only classes in the School of Daily Life—part of a great adventure that teaches us all we need to know, never revealing what the next day will bring. This brings to mind the following story:

  Each day shapes our lives as running water shapes a stone. —Anonymous

  Near the end of World War II as American forces occupied Germany, two young men were captured and shipped to a U.S. POW camp. Interrogation failed—they would not or could not speak to American authorities and remained silent even among their fellow German prisoners, who insisted that they knew nothing about the pair. An expert in Asiatic languages soon determined that they were Tibetans. Overjoyed that someone was finally able to understand them, they told their story.

  In the summer of 1941 the two friends, wishing to explore the world outside their tiny village, crossed Tibet’s northern frontier and wandered happily in Soviet territory for several weeks, until Russian authorities picked them up, put them on a train with hundreds of other young men, and shipped them west. At an army camp they were issued uniforms and rifles, given rudimentary military training, and loaded with other soldiers into trucks heading to the Russian front. Raised in a nonviolent Buddhist tradition, they were horrified to see men killing each other with artillery, rifles, even hand-to-hand fighting. Fleeing, they were captured by the Germans and again loaded onto a train—to Germany. Then, after the Normandy invasion—as American forces neared the German border—the hapless pair were forced into auxiliary service in the German army, given guns and told to fight. Again they fled from the carnage, until they were captured by the Americans and their puzzling wartime ordeal ended.

  We often learn great lessons in simple and everyday ways. —Pearl S. Buck

  The adventures of these two wanderers reflect our own travels through the school of life. Consider the twists and turns in your own journey—how daily life is your vision quest and school, revealing what it means to be human. This life, this moment, is your hero’s journey, your moment of truth, your near-death experience. Relationships, family, work, health, and finances are God’s Challenge Course. If you seek adventure, pay attention to each moment and find the miraculous within the mundane. Choose your courses from the Catalog. Find creative ways to serve family and community. In doing so, you discover the greatest vision quest of all.

  Personal Applications

  Your course work in the School of Life gradually reveals your unique purpose here. You will discover smaller, more immediate purposes, such as making breakfast, doing the laundry, driving to work. You will also find larger, long-range purposes, such as improving your body or your relationship, and making a contribution to your family, friends, and world. As we all learn life’s lessons and pursue our purposes, large and small, we acquire wisdom in the process.

  List three immediate purposes you wish to accomplish today.

  List, in order of priority, three larger purposes, goals, or dreams you would like to accomplish this year, this decade, or this lifetime.

  Master teachers

  are found not only

  on lonely mountaintops

  or in ashrams of the East.

  Our teachers may take the form

  of friends and adversaries—

  of clouds, animals, wind, and water.

  Moment to moment, our teachers

  reveal all we need to know.

  The question is,

  are we paying attention?

  When the student is ready,

  the teacher appears

  everywhere.

  Q: I have read many books and attended more workshops than I can count. But I need a personal teacher to guide me. Don’t people need a teacher, guru, or guide to complete the journey?

  A: Practicing in isolation can breed illusions; we come to know ourselves best in relationship with others. And while we can learn much from books, a personal teacher
can tailor guidance to our individual temperament and needs. Buddhism and other traditions recommend the trinity of a teacher, a teaching, and a community of practitioners as the ideal learning environment. But it’s a minefield out there: Even genuine teachers are sometimes corrupted by the adulation of their devotees. So be wary and wise; keep your eyes as wide open as your heart. Teachers need to earn their students’ trust over time. Avoid any who demand complete devotion from the beginning. Pay attention less to what teachers say than to what they do. And notice: Do their students live a life to which you aspire? Are they kind, compassionate, balanced, healthy, honest, open, respectful? Do they show a sense of humor? If not, look elsewhere.

  Your teachers are numberless— the offered welcome and agony inflicted; every event and every circumstance is your teacher. —Bauls verse

  Our approach to teachers often corresponds to three stages of life: childhood, adolescence, or adulthood. Children seek a parent to guide and protect them, and make good followers (and some teachers are happy to play parent). Adolescents reject authority and have a skeptical view of most teachers. Adults apply intelligent discernment, and learn what they can, where they can, whether from fools or sages, friends or adversaries, animals, infants, or elders. We also learn through experience and circumstance, hardship and insight. Consider this story:

  Zembu, a young samurai, had an affair with the wife of his superior. When discovered, he slew the nobleman in self-defense, then fled to a distant province. Unable to find employment, he became a thief, until one morning, in a flash of understanding, Zembu saw what he had made of his life. To atone for the harm he had done, he resolved to accomplish some good deed as a sincere act of repentance. Soon after, while walking on a dangerous road over a cliff that had caused the death of many persons, he decided to cut a tunnel through the mountain. Begging food to sustain himself during the day, Zembu dug each night. Thirty years later, when the tunnel was two-thousand feet long and within a few months of completion, Zembu was confronted by Katsuo, a young samurai who had come to kill him to avenge the death of his father, the nobleman whom Zembu had slain years before.